ODD Kids and Behavior: 5 Things You Need to Know as a Parent

by Kimberly Abraham, LMSW and Marney Studaker–Cordner, LMSW, Members of The Total Transformation Advisory Board

Do you often feel overwhelmed as the parent of an ODD child? Kimberly Abraham and Marney Studaker-Cordner have worked with parents of kids with Oppositional Defiant Disorder for 20 years—and Kim is the parent of an adult child with ODD. Read on to find out the 5 things you need to know to be a more effective parent.

Raising an ODD child is like belonging to a special kind of club: it’s the “Special Forces Unit” of parenting. When you have an ODD kid, you encounter situations parents of “typical kids” would never dream of. What’s worse, you didn’t volunteer for this duty—it’s much more akin to being drafted. And while you’re trying your best to parent a very difficult child, you’re often misunderstood by professionals and other parents who are raising typical kids.

It helps to remember what’s driving your child’s behavior: the need to be in control.

Related: More effective parenting tools for ODD kids.

The bottom line is that a child with ODD is not your typical kid. The primary difference? Typical kids will allow others to exert some degree of control over them. They may argue, but they’ll eventually give in. They may break rules, but they allow themselves to be grounded. Ultimately, they will give over to parental (or adult) authority. What’s the biggest fear an ODD kid has? Loss of control to a parent, or any adult authority figure. In an argument, your ODD child will dig his heels in rather than yield. As soon as he feels threatened, it’s on! Grounded? Please! Parents often feel more miserable during grounding than their ODD child. In the words of 15-year-old Jack, “I know how to get ungrounded. I’ll just turn my stereo up so loud all my mom’s knick knacks fall off the shelves. She’ll beg me to get out of the house!”

Here are some tips if you’re living with a “Jack” in your home:

Nobody Wins the Blame Game. When your home is in turmoil because of constant arguing with your child, it can be easy to fall into the trap of blame. Kim is the parent of an ODD child, and as she was raising him, she often found herself saying things like, “My son is ruining my life. I spend all my time dealing with him. I don’t even have any time for myself anymore.” And she didn’t just blame him for how she was feeling and the constant chaos in their home, she often blamed herself. “I’d beat myself up by saying, ‘If I was a better parent, he wouldn’t be this way,’” she explains. “After I realized what I was doing, whenever I found myself caught up in the Blame Game, I tried to take a step back and identify what I was feeling. Usually it was hurt or disappointment in my son or myself: I was taking my child’s behavior or choices personally. I had to realize that my son was not responsible for my emotional well-being—I was.”

Related: Having trouble getting through to your oppositional, defiant child?

Blaming yourself or your child won’t help the situation and can leave you feeling angry and resentful toward him. To make matters worse, you’ll come away feeling guilty on top of it. It’s good to hold your child accountable for his actions, but when it turns to blame, it will only worsen feelings of resentment. Besides, kids are quick to blame others for their own behavior. Instead, you want to be a role model for them by taking responsibility for your own feelings and actions.

Keeping A Tab Just Leaves You with a Huge Bill. With Kim’s son, she says that it was never that he’d done “just one thing—it was that he’d done twenty things over the course of a day (or sometimes an hour).” So it wasn’t just that he’d refused to take care of his dishes, it was that an hour before that he’d kicked a hole in the wall, and an hour before that, he’d gotten in a fight with his brother. She kept a running tab in her mind of everything he’d done wrong. It left her feeling overwhelmed and hopeless. By the time he refused to take care of the dishes, she’d had enough. She could give you a tab of offenses he’d committed back to the time he was six and threw mashed potatoes on the wall just because he was bored! But there’s another side to that coin: her son would also give her a running tab of the mistakes she’d made as a parent, back to the time he believed she sold his toys at a garage sale. It was a recipe for arguments and power struggles.

Just as parents want the chance to learn from our mistakes and start each day fresh, our children deserve the same. Though sometimes it’s difficult to separate these actions out, try to make your responses fit the specific behavior, instead of the running list you have going in your head. In other words, don’t let your child’s bad behavior compound until there’s no punishment or consequence big enough for them.

Tug of War Will Give You Rope Burn. It helps to remember what’s driving your child’s behavior: the need to be in control. When faced with loss of control, ODD kids will often go to extremes to fight against authority. Suddenly, you’re no longer focused on the behavior or issue at hand; you’re in a power struggle. Rather than your child learning from consequences, things quickly get way off topic. You might start out trying to address your son’s grades in school, and end up arguing about whether or not you threw away his Matchbox cars when he was four years old. But engaging in power struggles will leave you exhausted, frustrated and often confused as to what the heck just happened! Our advice is this: When you find yourself in a tug-of-war over control, try letting go of the rope. And ask yourself, “What is my intention in this discussion?” If you’re simply arguing with no clear direction or purpose, it’s probably not a discussion that needs to occur. The best thing to do is walk away. Remember, it takes two to tug on that rope. If you keep pulling on your end, you’re likely to end up in the mud.

Related: Stop the parent-child tug of war.

Sometimes an Answer Isn’t Required. Sometimes kids just need to vent. Ever find yourself needing to get something off your chest, but you’re not really looking for an answer? As parents, we tend to jump in and try to solve what we view as our kids’ problems. Sometimes when they’re complaining or upset it doesn’t really require a response from us beyond, “I hear what you’re saying.” Kim used to go into “fix-it” mode with her son, offering solutions to problems despite the fact that he hadn’t even asked for guidance. Not surprisingly, he would shoot down every one of her suggestions and then get angry at her. Why? Because he didn’t really want her to solve anything.

If your child is looking for an answer or response, they’ll ask you. Otherwise, try just listening without jumping in to help. Allow your child to have his feelings, and know he’s been heard.

Change Your Thoughts. The way you think about things determines how you feel and act toward your child. If your thoughts are negative, it will affect the way you interact and respond to his behavior—and to him as a person. See if you can catch hold of things that are popping into your mind and replace them with more positive thoughts. For example, when “Jack” digs his heels in on something, instead of thinking, “He’s so stubborn; everything’s an argument,” try to change that thought to, “He’s certainly determined.” Changing your thoughts can help you change how you’re feeling toward your child.

When someone pushes against you, the natural instinct is to push back. When Kim’s son pushed against her in defiance, she said she “often found herself pushing back in reaction, without even thinking about it.” Your child may have the type of personality that will continue to push against others and fight against being controlled in any way. Make no mistake, raising an ODD child is an emotional and challenging experience. It’s a process of trying to be creative, because you have to constantly look for “things that work” with a child whose very essence is to fight against being controlled.

The truth is, your child’s personality isn’t likely to change, but if you use these tips we offer, you’ll find yourself engaging in that conflict less frequently and less intensely. As Kim says, “I found that it was hard for my child to argue without a partner in the process. By changing how I responded to him, over time our relationship changed.” If you’re able to alter the way you respond to your child, the result will be less conflict and more peace in your home. And by modeling the techniques we’ve given you, you’ll be teaching your child conflict-resolution skills, de-escalating techniques, healthy relationship skills and coping skills. The best part? You’ll be able to end the day feeling good about yourself and knowing that you gave it your best.

Kimberly Abraham, LMSW, has worked with children and families for more than 25 years. She specializes in working with teens with behavioral disorders, and has also raised a child with Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Marney Studaker-Cordner, LMSW, is the mother of four and has been a therapist for 15 years. She works with children and families and has in-depth training in the area of substance abuse. Kim and Marney are the co-creators of Life Over the Influence, a new program to help families struggling with substance abuse issues.

by Janet Lehman, MSW

Countless readers write in to Empowering Parents and say, “I’m supposed to know how to make my child behave, but I don’t. He’s out of control and people blame me for his behavior. I feel guilty and ashamed most of the time, and very alone. It’s the worst feeling in the world.” The truth is, you’re not supposed to know everything about being a parent—it’s a skill you have to learn, just like anything else. While there’s no one “right way” to parent, there are more effective ways to handle your child’s behavior.

You’re probably not waking up in the morning saying, “I think I’ll really mess my kid up today.”

Related: Stop blaming yourself for your child’s behavior and take on more parental authority today.

I’ve worked with some of the toughest, out of control adolescents imaginable and really understand where people are coming from when they say they feel like a “bad parent.” As a therapist in residential treatment centers for troubled teens and at-risk youth, part of my job was also working with parents to teach them new skills. The moms and dads I met were beaten down and guilt-ridden by the time their kids arrived at the residential center. The vast majority had really tried to do their best as parents, but they were up against difficult odds with their kids—including behavior disorders, mood problems and other stressors in the home. It was extremely difficult for them to dig out of the hole of blame, shame and guilt, because their kids had such a long history of acting-out behavior. But over time, these parents learned to stop taking their children’s behavior personally, and to parent more effectively by using techniques that stressed responsibility and accountability. So remember, no matter what has gone on before or what your child is like now, it’s never too late for them to change.

If you have an acting-out child, it’s common to feel a chronic sense of shame over his behavior, or like you’ve “failed” as a parent. The important thing to understand is that these feelings don’t help anyone; they won’t help you, and they won’t help your child. Questions about who’s to blame don’t really matter when parents are working to become more effective. The real question is, what can you do differently to help your child change his behavior? After all, it’s not about whose fault it is—it’s about who is willing to take responsibility.

I understand that feeling judged and blamed by others is uncomfortable and upsetting. And perhaps you are being judged by others, but keep reminding yourself that they haven’t walked in your shoes. Even if you’re being blamed, you’re still trying to do your very best. You’re probably not waking up in the morning saying, “I think I’ll really mess my kid up today.” So give yourself a break from blame and guilt, and focus instead on what you can do to change the situation.

When You Take on Blame for Your Child’s Behavior

When your child acts out or misbehaves, it can become a habit to say things to yourself like, “It’s my fault he lies—I spoiled him and allowed him to get away with too much when he was younger. It’s my fault he’s rude to his grandparents—I wasn’t able to teach him good manners. It’s my fault his grades are bad—I should have worked harder with him every night. It’s my fault he stays out past curfew—I allowed him too much freedom after my divorce because I felt guilty about breaking up the family. While it’s common to fall into the trap of feeling guilty, it won’t get you—or your child—anywhere. It’s important to understand that when you blame yourself, you’re taking on your child’s behavior—and you’re not helping him take responsibility. This is the opposite of what you want, because your child will just learn that he doesn’t need to be accountable for his actions.

Related: Hold your child accountable by using effective consequences.

Why do we get into these patterns with our kids? To put it simply, it’s painful to see our children struggle. Think of it this way: have you ever picked up your child’s room even though he was supposed to clean it? You probably told yourself, “It’ll be easier if I just do it myself.” In the same way, it can be easier to take on our kids’ mistakes than to hold them responsible. But just as you faced your own difficulties growing up and learned how to take responsibility, so will your child need to learn those same lessons. Along the way, he’ll face some challenges and disappointments. If he’s not allowed to face those difficulties, he’ll never develop into an adult who’s able to take responsibility and deal with life’s ups and downs; he’ll always be looking for someone else to take on his problems—or take the blame for his actions.

Here’s an example from my own life. I remember a time when our son was having difficulties in school. His teacher called about his behavior and my first reaction was to get angry and defensive and blame myself. But my husband James was so clear when he said, “This is not about you, Janet—it’s about our son.” This was helpful in prompting me to change and not take what was happening personally. I needed to remove myself from the picture and focus on my child and what he needed.

If you’re enabling your child by blaming other people—or yourself—you need to take a step back and really ask, “Is this a pattern that’s developed?” When you start looking at patterns of behavior in a non-blaming way, you’ll be able to help your child take responsibility and change that behavior. In order to do this, you have to be strong and not buy all the excuses your child may give you. Don’t let him try to put the blame on you by saying things like, “You made me mad so I kicked the wall.” Or “You took my cell phone away so I went out to meet my friends without telling you.”

Related: Is your child verbally abusive?

If you have a child who’s blaming others, you might start by having him write down what happened. (If possible, try to find out what happened yourself and have the goods on the situation by doing a little investigative work with the people involved.) What you want is to get your child to a place where he can be as objective as possible about what happened. Ask, “What was your responsibility and what were other people’s responsibilities in this situation?” This question is powerful to help him learn about his role in what happened and how to change. You might even write down the facts yourself. Be as objective as possible and don’t put yourself—or your feelings of guilt—into the equation. List the facts and think about them almost as a neutral party. This will help you to look at things with a clearer lens.

When Others Blame You

Does this sound familiar? You’re out somewhere in your neighborhood and your child starts acting out. Maybe he yells at you or calls you a foul name. Somebody sends you a blaming look or makes a comment about your child being out of control, and you immediately feel guilty. People will put that blame and shame on you, but you don’t have to accept it. When you finally become empowered as a parent, you’ll realize that nobody walks in your shoes. Those people who judge you don’t have a clue, because you really are doing your best every day. Here’s something that’s helpful to repeat to yourself: “No one understands unless they’ve walked in my shoes. I’m doing my best, and other people won’t always see or appreciate that.” Eventually, you’ll be able to change those tapes that are playing in your head that say you’re doing a bad job or that you’re a failure as a parent. Instead, you’ll be able to say honestly, “I tried my best today, and we made it to bedtime without a fight.”

Old Habits Die Hard: When You Catch Yourself Taking on Blame

What should you do when you’re able to actually catch yourself in the moment feeling guilty or taking on blame for your child? First of all, congratulate yourself for being aware of what’s happening. The first real step toward change on your part is that awareness of what you’re doing. Any time you can catch yourself and count to five, you’re probably going to do something different than your first impulse. If you can, take a moment and write down the facts. Ask yourself the following questions:

1. What’s the situation? What actually happened?
2. What’s my first inclination based on those findings?
3. What could I do to be more effective?

It’s really all about gaining objectivity and then, as James said, taking yourself out of the picture. Step back physically and take a timeout if you need to. And keep telling yourself, “This is not about me, it’s about my child.”

“I feel so alone.”

Often families of oppositional, defiant, or acting-out kids become very withdrawn and start to pull away from other people. While it can protect parents and families from further outside shame and blame, it does nothing to improve the internal feelings the parents have about their own blame and their own failure. In other words, this isolation really magnifies their feelings of failure.

Related: Does your child’s acting out behavior make you feel alone?

When you reach out to others, it helps to reduce or remove blame and failure. You’ll get a better perspective and realize you’re not alone and that there are others who have similar problems. None of us knew how to parent when we had our children; we all learn as we go. The bottom line is that feeling blamed and feeling guilty prevents us from taking action; it keeps us stuck and feeling defeated. It becomes the lens we see things through, rather than through a clearer lens that focuses on behavioral change.

I recommend that you reach out to people who may also be going through some of the same struggles as you are. Keep reading Empowering Parents; join our Facebook community. It’s amazingly helpful, because you’ll see other parents who are having the exact same problems that you’re having with your child—and chances are you won’t blame or judge them. When you see yourself reflected in another person—who’s also trying their best to raise their child—you’ll have a much healthier sense of yourself.

Blame and guilt produce a lot of wasted energy and wasted feelings—the challenge is to get beyond these emotions. Your guilt usually has nothing to do with what’s going on with your child: his behavior can very possibly be beyond your control. You may really need some additional help, like The Total Transformation program or counseling, to implement change. The bottom line is that instead of feeling guilty or blaming yourself, what you need to do is move forward and change what you’re doing now.

Janet Lehman, MSW has worked with troubled children and teens for over 30 years and is the co-creator of ?utm_medium=epexperts&utm_source=eparticles&utm_content=bio&utm_campaign=tt”>The Total Transformation Program. She is a social worker who has held a variety of positions during her career, including juvenile probation officer, case manager, therapist and program director for 22 years in traditional residential care and in group homes for difficult children.

by Kimberly Abraham, LMSW and Marney Studaker–Cordner, LMSW, Members of The Total Transformation Advisory Board

Has your oppositional, defiant child’s behavior escalated to the point where he’s using physical force against you—or do you fear that he might? Kim Abraham and Marney Studaker-Cordner have worked with parents of kids with Oppositional Defiant Disorder for 20 years—and Kim is the parent of an adult child with ODD. In this article, they explain how to handle your ODD child’s aggressive, violent behavior effectively.

“[ODD kids] get frustrated more easily than your ‘typical’ child, and often can’t see a way to resolve conflict without aggression. The only tool they have [in their toolbox]is a hammer!”

“You know, for a minute there I really thought my son was going to hit me. He had his fists clenched, his face was red and he actually took a step toward me. I used to think that was a line he would never cross, but I just don’t know anymore. What can I do to stop it from getting to that point?”

We’ve heard this from many parents of Oppositional Defiant teens and pre–teens, parents who are not only worried about their child’s current behavior, but about what could happen if things continue to escalate. If your child is already engaging in behaviors you never expected (lying, yelling at you, breaking the rules of the house, being destructive), it’s understandable that you would worry about aggression. What’s to keep him or her from crossing that line?

Related: Is your child using threats, intimidation or violence to get his way?

Tools Fix More than Just Appliances

We all have skills we use to cope when things don’t go our way:  a “toolbox,” if you will. You can probably think of a few “tools” that you use when you’re stressed or frustrated. If you’re upset with your spouse, you may call a friend to vent. If your work is stressful, you may exercise or read a book when you get home to try to relax. Over the years, the make–up of your toolbox has probably changed as you’ve learned and matured. You may want to slug your offensive boss, but instead you use a different skill—one that won’t get you fired or land you in jail!

Kids start out with an empty toolbox. They begin to fill that box as they encounter different situations—and parents, teachers and other kids model tools (or coping skills) that your child may try out and decide whether or not to keep. For instance, screwdrivers may not work for your child – he may need a pair of pliers instead. So venting might not help him feel better; listening to music may be more helpful for your 15 year old.

Kids with Oppositional Defiant Disorder, ADHD, anxiety and other emotional challenges have a very difficult time finding and keeping tools in their box. They get frustrated more easily than your “typical” child, and often can’t see a way to resolve conflict without aggression. The only tool they often have is a hammer!

Why Does He Use a Hammer to Swat a Fly?

ODD kids have a very difficult time coping with stress or conflicts, even small ones. It may seem like your child is overreacting to something that you view as a pretty minor event.  Kids with emotional challenges often feel powerless; they make up for this with aggressive words and behaviors. The thing is, this behavior typically backfires and your child ends up feeling even worse in the long run. By helping him learn to resolve things calmly, you will actually empower him. It can be hard to look past the words, threats and aggressive body language to what’s underneath. Oftentimes, ODD kids are not trying to be malicious—they simply don’t know what else to do.

Related: Is your child verbally abusive?

“My Hammer Is Bigger than Yours.”

When your child was two, if he threw himself on the floor kicking and screaming, you could just carry (or drag) him out of the store. You were able to exert physical control. But over the years, tantrums can escalate if your child doesn’t learn other skills. By the time he’s a teenager, there’s no way you can pick him up. And now, you may be afraid he’s the one who’s going to take physical control of the situation.

Understand this: Conflict is a natural part of life. It’s going happen. And it happens frequently between parents and children, because kids want what they want, exactly when they want it, and parents often have to set limits or say the dreaded word “no.” Conflict is also born simply from different personalities and outlooks: you see it one way, your child sees it another way, and so an argument is born. There’s a difference between conflict and arguing. Even though it’s difficult for most of us, conflict can also lead to growth: you want something, I want something different, what skills can we both use to resolve this? Arguing, on the other hand, is usually about winning. Your child can become so focused on “winning” the power struggle that the point of the conflict is completely lost. And let’s be honest – sometimes, as parents, we fall into the same trap! It can start to feel like a chess game, where you’re trying to out–maneuver each other. Other times, it may seem like a boxing match. But remember, it’s more like the “Marathon of Life.” You and your child are both on the same team, after all—and it’s more about teaching him appropriate skills than it is about winning.

Related: You don’t have to attend every fight you’re invited to.

A Trip to the Hardware Store

As parents, the very best we can hope to do is teach our kids about real life. In real life, there are all sorts of stressors: mean co–workers, disappointing jobs, (or sometimes no job), frustrating conversations, long lines in stores and rude people who cut in front of you. These are situations in which aggression will not only fail to solve the problem, it will make it worse. Your job as a parent is to show your child how a screwdriver can work better than a hammer. You can do this by modeling coping and conflict resolution skills for our child.

One way to help your child get through tough situations is to remember that while he’s upset, there’s a lot of adrenaline pumping through him. Though we take it for granted, it takes a lot of coping skills to manage that physical burst of energy experienced whenever we feel frustrated or angry. If your child doesn’t have those coping skills yet, how is he going to release that energy? Without a positive outlet, he may resort to punching walls, destroying property or even coming at you—or someone else—aggressively.

Related: There’s no excuse for abuse, not even from your child.

Talk with your child during a moment of calm. You know your child best. If your instincts tell you he was “right on the edge” and about to become physical, explain to him later that you’re concerned about what the consequences of that behavior will be. You can actually say, “You seemed really, really angry the other day. I want to help you handle that in a way that’s going to turn out well for you. Do you know what happens if you hit someone, whether it’s a family member or someone else? That’s called assault. People call the police when that happens. And if you hit me, I’m going to do the same thing. One of my personal rules is that I will never allow anyone to physically abuse me – not even you.”

In saying this, you’re teaching your child:

1) What happens in real life

2) What your boundaries are

3) What the consequences for his behavior will be

Even though the thought of calling the police on your child can be very, very difficult and is probably the last thing you ever thought you might have to do as a parent, if your child becomes aggressive toward you, it is very important to follow through and call the police. If you don’t, your child won’t learn that domestic violence is not only unacceptable, it’s against the law. And he may have to learn that lesson in a much more difficult way down the road—with a spouse or someone else who won’t hesitate to call the police on him. Remember, as James Lehman says in The Total Transformation, “There’s no excuse for abuse,” –not even from your child.

During a calm moment, offer to work with your child to come up with a plan that you can put into effect if things start to escalate. Explain to your child how anger and adrenaline work, and develop a list of things he can do that are positive or acceptable to everyone when he’s feeling that way. Some ideas are exercise (sit ups and push–ups to get rid of adrenaline), going for a walk, going to his room and listening to music, or giving him a journal he can draw or write in. Think about his strengths – things he’s good at or enjoys. Ask your child what ideas he has, or he may even want to get suggestions from friends. This helps get him thinking, rather than reacting. Remember, you’re modeling for him how to recognize his own emotions and find ways to deal with them non–violently.  Follow through and let him use those skills when you’re in a conflict with him. A power struggle is often a trigger to physical aggression, and if you can de–escalate the situation before it hits that point, it’s well worth it.

An Ounce of Prevention…Keeps You From Getting A Hammer Through Your Wall.

Sometimes it’s so exhausting to raise an Oppositional Defiant child to adulthood. As parents we reach into our toolboxes and pull out coping skills that aren’t always effective. Ever find yourself arguing, yelling or blaming your child during a time of conflict? If so, it’s a good clue that you need to take a personal time out. In doing so, you’re showing your child it’s okay for him to do that, as well. Remember, you want to model an approach of “we can resolve this, calmly,” rather than trying to “win” or get the upper hand.  You can actually tell your child, “When you get upset, it’s okay to turn around and walk away. I’ll know that means you need a break because you’re getting too upset. We can come back to the discussion later, when things are calmer. And I’ll respect that. If I get upset, I’m going to do the same thing.”  This is a technique your child can carry over into other real-life situations as well.

Related: So tired you’ve given up trying to make your child behave?

Your child may continue to follow you around the house, trying to carry on the argument, when you’re trying to disengage. If you have to (and he’s old enough), leave the house completely. Go for a drive or a walk. This will also help de–escalate the situation.

Just because you choose to walk away to de-escalate a situation or allow your child to calm down, does not mean you won’t hold him accountable for his behavior, provide consequences if he doesn’t follow your house rules, or that you are “giving in.” Remember, it’s not about winning: it’s about teaching skills. So if you’re in a conflict with your child about him going to a friend’s house and you see that his face is turning red, you know the signs that he’s about to blow. You can end the power struggle by walking away. He knows the answer; it’s “no.” If he chooses to leave without permission because you’ve walked away from the argument, he probably would have left anyway. You can still hold him accountable when he comes home by providing a consequence—and you will have avoided a physical confrontation.

No One Wants to Enter Adulthood with an Empty Toolbox

It can help to think of the situations you’re encountering with your child now, and for the next few years, as opportunities rather than problems. It’s human nature to experience anger and adrenaline when in conflict. The important thing is how you handle it. When your child is in this mode, especially between the ages of 12 and 18, it’s a chance to prepare him to deal with the real world and real life for many years to come. No one wants to enter adulthood with an empty toolbox, not even your Oppositional Defiant child—and at the end of the day, he really needs you to teach him those skills he’ll need as he matures into an adult.

Kimberly Abraham, LMSW, has worked with children and families for more than 25 years. She specializes in working with teens with behavioral disorders, and has also raised a child with Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Marney Studaker-Cordner, LMSW, is the mother of four and has been a therapist for 15 years. She works with children and families and has in-depth training in the area of substance abuse. Kim and Marney are also the co-authors of The Whipped Parent: Hope for Parents Raising an Out-of-Control Teen.

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